God is not a performance based God!
I had a little healing session if you will with my pastor and his wife yesterday. I’ve been battling hard anxiety stemmed from childhood pain. A new-to-me type of anxiety I’ve not even known I was dealing with until now. I couldn’t remember much from my time in foster care or in my home after foster care except lots of hurt and blank spaces. Who knew that could be the source of some anxiety now?! Not I said the fly. But it is. My deep conscious has the ability to remember it, even if I don’t. Looking back, I realized that at some point I made God -in my mind- a performance based God because that was my experience with my childhood. If it’s not good enough- punishment. Beatings. Surely when I forget to pray or come to Christ in hard moments, that I’m going to be punished or “struck down”. Those kinds of thoughts, of course can trigger their own kind of anxiety and worry! But friend- let me tell you what I learned and had breakthrough in yesterday. Our Heavenly Father is unlike what our earthly fathers…stepfathers…etc are like. Our Heavenly Father is NOT a performance based God. He isn’t going to punish us or strike us down when we don’t do something to perfection. Our Heavenly Father has grace upon grace. Our Heavenly Father has a literal UNCONDITIONAL love for us! Our Heavenly Father sent his ONLY son to die on a cross for us. So that we could live by his mercy, forgiveness and grace every day…every moment. Even in our brokenness and imperfect choices.
So, please, hear my heart today when I say to you -as much as I say to myself…. STOP beating yourself up AND STOP worrying or feeling guilty for your mistakes. For your short comings…because WE have a Heavenly Father who says THROUGH HIM and him alone we are enough. We are loved and worth his time, grace and mercy. Forgive yourself because you don’t serve a performance based God who judges you as you stumble through your faith. You serve a God who asks us to come to him AS WE ARE. Stumbling, Imperfect, broken and in need of a loving, father to lead us through it all.
John 3:16- “ For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.”
Ephesians 2:8-9 “ For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast.”
Grit and grace,